Thursday, September 27, 2012
It's a dark night. My car is parked in an alley, and I'm in a dark room alone, with a cardboard box sitting on a table before me. It is full of Hershey's Chocolate candy bars. I know this because the cardboard box is partially opened. I know the candy well because it's a childhood favorite of mine. I'm now faced with a dilemma. If it had been any other kind of chocolate bar, it wouldn't have been an issue, but this was Hershey's milk chocolate candy, without almonds. This was the candy bar I would ask for as a child. This was the candy bar, I found myself reaching for time and time again. But now that was part of my past. I no longer went out seeking it's forbidden sweetness. I learned to take steps to avoid it. I learned to ignore it, and refuse to be tempted. But, now there was no hiding. I couldn't just simply ignore it. It was now sitting there in front of me, as if it was taunting my childhood emotions. A partially open box of hundreds of Hershey's candy bars were now calling my name.
I suddenly realized the many years I've deprived myself from this candy. Was this really necessary? I thought to myself, and tried to justify my sudden urge for milk chocolate. Was I really helping myself from resisting this taste of chocolate? How was it really benefiting myself? Why was I denying myself for so many years? It has been awhile since I unwrapped a Hershey's candy bar. It would be so easy to just take one, and have a taste. Who would I hurt by doing this anyway? But, I had a job to do. It couldn't happen! This box needs to be delivered to a secret location. This is my job. A lot of people are counting on me on this delivery. It has to happen. I must not be tempted!
Still my inner voices were wrestling madly over it all. Would they notice one missing candy bar? Really? Let's be rational I tell myself. I'm sitting there, staring at the partially opened box. I convince myself that one missing candy bar would go unnoticed. Surely, it would be written off as a packing error. Packer 14, aka: Lois at the factory must have forgotten to recount or maybe she misread the packing slip. It was a mistake that could easily be done. No one would question it. Packer 14, Lois, who proudly packed this box may have had an off day, or may have found herself tempted as well.
It was all so easy, after all, the box was already opened!
Without giving it another thought, I take a candy bar, and rip off the wrapper without abandon. The silkiness and creaminess of the milk chocolate melting in my mouth is pure ecstasy! I now remember carefree childhood days of my youth. Oh how my mouth had yearned for such richness! How could have denied myself this simple pleasure of creamy goodness?!
It is only afterwards do I realize my mistake.
The box of chocolates is still in front of me, the box partially opened, but to my horror, there are only 3 chocolate bars inside. I'm bewildered. Where was the once full bounty of chocolate?! There must have been hundreds of chocolates in that box moments before. It is at that moment I realize that I'm surrounded by hundreds of ripped and torn candy wrappers! My heart is pounding now. My guilt is now literally written all over my face-chocolate everywhere, on my lips, clothes and on my fingers! Packer 14, Lois was in the clear. I was in trouble. I would be found out. It was over.
Suddenly, a piercing sound interrupts the darkness! It is the phone ringing loudly in my ear! I frantically reach for the phone.
An apprehensive voice finally is heard on the other line, saying, "Oh, I'm sorry Mrs. Langley, I thought I was calling Lizzy's cell phone."
I suddenly realize now that I'm no longer in a dark room, with an open box of missing candy bars. My fingers are no longer covered in melted chocolate. I'm in another dark room, but now I am in my bedroom. I am no longer in trouble. I say my goodbye to my daughter's nervous boyfriend, but he shouldn't worry. It may be 2 o'clock in the morning, but the guy did me a favor. I am in in no means angry with the poor boy, on the contrary I am grateful to be saved from this horrible dream of chocolate and anxiety! I lay there now in my bed, with my husband snoring by my side, as I wait for my heart to assume it's natural heart beat, and to fall back to a sweet, restful slumber.
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
Yesterday was 9/11.. I remember that day well. It was day of tragic loss. It's a day the devil came to town, and his visit shook us all. It's a day that no one should forget. I remember that day, and those years that followed that year...
Those years in particular were years of many struggles. It was another of year of being a single mom, raising two kids on her own, with bills to pay, hardly getting by with no support from an ex-husband who apparently was having too much of a good time hiding in New Jersey with his new internet love match. So, forgive me if I sound a bit bitter, but when I see pictures of him, paying homage to 9/11 of he and his lover on the internet, with the Twin Towers in the background, all smiley and lovey dovey, knowing that during that time, "HIS" life was the ONLY life that he cared about, it does make me a little upset.
So pardon this entry, if I sound a little off my guard.
I'm doing much better now though. The best revenge in life is to live a happy life. I am happy, but I NEVER forget. I can forgive, but I WILL NEVER forget. When you hurt my kids--when you abandon my kids and not even leave an address or phone number, you show me what you are made of. THAT I WILL NEVER FORGET.
Be well and happy, far, far away.
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